this is the link to the Amazon website where you can obtain this great reading resource.
Robert~

Joke of the day.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?






















Because they have big fingers.

Joke of the day.

Two senior citizens were bragging about their sex lives in the elderly homes, "Can you still do it? I have sex with my wife twice a week. How many can you do?"

"Oh, I do it almost every night of the week!"

"Almost every night!!?????"

"Yup! Almost Monday, Almost Tuesday, Almost Wednesday,............"

Joke for the day.

An 80 year old man went for his annual check up and the doctor said: "Friend, for your age your in the best shape I've seen."

The old feller replied, "Yep. It comes from clean living. Why I know I live a good, clean, spiritual life."

The doctor asked him how he knew that.

"Why," the old man, "I must live a good, clean life or the Lord wouldn't turn the bathroom light on for me every time I get up in the middle of the night."

The doc looked a little concerned. "You mean when you get up in the night to go to the bathroom, the Lord Himself turns on the light for you."

"Yep," the old man said, "Whenever I get up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for me."

Well, the doctor didn't say anything else, but when the old man's wife came in for her check up, he felt he had to let her know what her husband said. "I just want you to know," the doctor said. "Your husband's in fine physical shape but I'm worried about his mental conditions. He told me every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him."

"Why that rascal," she said. "I thought someone has been peeing in the refrigerator."

Joke of the day.

Two nerds are riding along on a tandem, when suddenly, the one on the front slams on the brakes, gets off and starts letting air out of the tires.The one on the back says: "HEY! What are you doing that for!?"The first nerd says, "My seat was too high and was hurting my butt. I wanted to lower it a bit."So the one in the back has had enought. He jumps off, loosens his own seat and spins it round to face the other direction. Now it's the first guy's turn to wonder what's going on. "What are you doing?" he asks his friend."Look mate," says the rider in the back, "if you're going to do stupid stuff like that, I'm going home!!"

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in Essex. With his dummy on his knee he's doing his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way ? What does the colour of a persons hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person....because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general...and all in the name of humor.The ventriloquist is embarased and begins to apologize when the blonde yells.... You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little f...r on your knee...

I get a lot of visitors from Canada

so this one is for you!

A French guest who was staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.

"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.

"Toilette pepper!"

ME LUV FIGGY~

FOR YOU WHO LIVE OUTSIDE IRELAND YOU MAY NOT KNOW THESE BISCUITS BUT BELIEVE ME THEY ARE SO TASTY!!

THANKS JACOBS

AND I THINK THIS ADVERT IS COOL SO HERE IT IS!

Joke of the day.

A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."

Some short and sweeties

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...

Why don't aliens eat clowns.
Because they taste funny.

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.

Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, on of the muffins says:
"Man it's hot in here!!!!"
The other muffin exclaims,
"Look a talking muffin!!!!"

Joke Of the day.

There was a competition to swim from Santa Monica to Catalina doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker.

About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled on shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers. When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied,

"I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms."

Joke of the day.

A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."

Joke of the day.

For a couple years I 've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.

Joke of the day.

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil.
“Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently.
“You did WHAT?! ?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”

Joke of the day.

A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain.
Upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. A carpenter's brain sells for $1.50 per pound. A plumber's brain sells for $2.25 per pound. He noticed with alarm that a politician's brain sells for $375.00 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between the similar meats.
The owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "Do you realize how many politicians it takes to get a pound of brains?

A pilot landed a plane with a rather bumpy landing. As part of his job he was required to stand by the terminal door and say goodbye to the passengers as they exited the airplane. He was afraid that someone might say something about his rather less than perfect landing, but everyone left without saying a word except for one passenger, an elderly lady, she slowly approached the pilot after most passengers had exited the plane and asked, "Did we land? Or were we shot down?"

CONVERASTION OF THE DAY - Homeless Man: Can you spare some change? Me: Sorry, I don't have any change at the moment, but I'm on my way to Burger King. Would you like some breakfast? Homeless Man: No thanks, but when you get change from there, stop by on your way back. - Hmmmmm...I guess beggars CAN be choosers.

for funny animal pictures - http://thefunnydogpictures.blogspot.com/





for funny animal pictures - http://thefunnydogpictures.blogspot.com/

you noisy retard!
going to,
needing to,
people want you to,
get it
AND GET IT HARD
!
!
!
please enjoy this clip
and see it happen!

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for more funny dog pictures click here

for some really cool pictures click the link. http://thefunnydogpictures.blogspot.com/

some great bloopers here folks

keep your eyes on the bit in his mouth!


want to see some more funny kung-fu clips?
click here []